Dave's Web of Lies

Our sixth guest liar was

Dr. Steve Greatbanks

who first achieved fame playing the role of
James Bond in "Diamonds are For Your Eyes Only"

Dr Greatbanks has since gone on to discover two lost
continents,
three lost socks and the Holy Lost Pigeon of St. Jeremy.

The Pope finds that nothing is more effective in helping him to unwind at the end of a hard day than a spell as the hind legs of a pantomime cow.

Under the terms of the Geneva convention, gherkins are classified as a nerve agent.

Have you ever wondered about how heavy footballs used to look in old television reports? Well, the very 'ball' which was used in the 1928 F.A. Cup Final was re-discovered recently and found, upon scientific examination, to be a 37.5 Kg sphere of granite with a thin covering of Capybara leather. No wonder headed goals were so rare in those days!

Elephants hibernate in straw-filled boxes under stairs.

Simply including the <LOTTOJACKPOT> and </LOTTOJACKPOT> tags around any six numbers on a WWW page will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams.

Tree frogs, though deceptively small, have voracious appetites and just one 50 gramme adult male can single-handedly eat over 45 hectares of rain forest in a single sitting.

The Canadian Seal cull is secretly funded by Greenpeace.

The eggplant is so named because of the unique ability of this amazing plant to reproduce in the same manner as the common chicken.

Most common gardening accidents could be prevented by wearing sturdy corduroy trousers.

Gino Ginelli ice cream was brought to Europe from China by Marco Polo.

The 'soap-on-a-rope', now thought of as a mere item of bathroom kitsch, was originally used as an instrument of torture by the Spanish Inquisition.

'Electronic' computers are not, in fact, powered by electricity. They are really powered by dozens of minature wooden water wheels.

Many common skin complaints can be readily cured by the liberal application of a paste of Cheddar cheese, Dolphin dripping and artichokes.

The Belgian Congo was named in remeberance of the tragic deaths of five generations of the van Sputum family, famous Brussels socialites, who hurtled (in a single chain) from a seventh floor window during a particularly riotous Embassy party in 1842. To this day, the Belgian constitution forbids both 'linked or chain dancing' and Agadoo singles (though Albums are strangely exempted).

Former Cambodian despot Pol Pot is a member of Mensa.

Before the invention of Gravity by Isaac Newton, it was quite possible, and even fashionable, to levitate small pieces of fruit in one's parlour.

The bouncy castle, unknown in this country before 1974 has been popular in Tibet since 1693 after the then incumbent Dalai Lama exhorted it's use in the path to enlightenment.

The Lebanese city Beirut (a corruption of the German, Bayreuth) was named by the aggrieved Friedrich Grondelholster who founded his own (rather unsuccesful) Wagner festival, predating the birth of the composer by some 40 years.

Guest Liar's Hall Of Fame

Mr Yan Pomplemeyer
Mr Rob Smith
Mr Frank Charlton
Sir Greg O'Beirne
Mr. Jo(e/seph) Reeves
Dr. Steve Greatbanks
Mr Paul Craggs
[email protected]
Mr Ade Ward
Mr Dave Kenning
Mr Colin McChesney