Dave's Web of Lies

Our third guest liar was

Mr Frank Charlton

of Tachyon Communications.

Mr Charlton's chosen topic was 17th Century Agricultural Practices.

The energy generated by a pair of mice engaged in sexual intercourse is sufficient to power Vice Prime Minister Michael Heseltines Electric Techno-Underpants for one year.

The common Goldfish is a voracious predator. A United Nations ruling in 1941 stated that henceforth all such piscines must be confined within small transparent bowls constructed from the residue left by melting Edith Piaf records.

The videogame character "Mario" was invented when a Nintendo executive observed Labour MP Ken Livingstone stomping on mushrooms in a frenzy during his addiction to Lemsip.

The Internet is housed in the cassette deck of a Commodore VIC-20, located on the small Scottish Island of Ballyhoo.

The ritual of circumcision actually renders a man invisible to attacking bushbabies.

The record "There's no-one quite like Grandma" by St. Winifred's School Choir is known to contain back-masked messages, including "Hamsters are the tools of Beelzebub".

Dialling a random seven-digit number beginning with 5 will always connect you to a man named Smegma.

The perfume now known as "Obsession" was previously marketed as a man's aftershave called "Midnight In A Weightlifter's Jockstrap", by Algonquin Swivel.

Kellog's Pop Tarts © are the leftovers from a Chemical Warfare plan abandoned by the Chinese Government in 1886.

"Supermarket Sweep" star Dale Winton has stored all of his bodily effluent in small labelled fish-paste jars since the age of seven.

Wearing nylon underpants screen-printed with a colourful picture of Alan Titchmarsh is required by law in Milton Keynes.

Reclusive inventor Howard Hughes' final invention was the little-known Magnetic Cleft-Fluff Remover.

Custard is extracted from a tiny gland in a South African bird known as the Knibble.

Shrubbery is illegal in some states of the USA.

The entire Welsh village of Knobbler was removed from maps in 1965, in an attempt by the Government to cover up the secret landing of Space Cockatoos from beyond the Galactic Rim.

String is too short.

Underpants are punishable by death in some parts of the Australian outback.

Canada is manufactured entirely from shoeboxes rejected by Fit-Rite.

Guest Liar's Hall Of Fame

Mr Yan Pomplemeyer
Mr Rob Smith
Mr Frank Charlton
Sir Greg O'Beirne
Mr. Jo(e/seph) Reeves
Dr. Steve Greatbanks
Mr Paul Craggs
[email protected]
Mr Ade Ward
Mr Dave Kenning
Mr Colin McChesney