When ordering any kind of food by phone, one of the original ingredients will inevitably be substituted for something quite different. This happens, not at random, but according to a meticulously structured set of rules, known only by Dr. Fred Olan Daase, renowned quantum physicist of Finse, Norway, who is also known as the only man in history to ever have ordered "one large pepperoni-pizza with an extra pair of green corduroy trousers, and a pint of horse-manure" from Pizza-King in Oslo.

   [email redacted]