When you take in a breath of helium, your voice doesn't get higher, time actually gets slowed down in the entire rest of the universe and you just seem sped up by comparison. This is because helium, having a quadruply electronegative body mass index, spontaneously inhibits the warp-field antineutrino reactions that persist in the vacuum energy of free space which account for 90% of the value of the speed of light as we know it. Or something.